Shit Happens Right?
Sometimes life can be a bit unpredictable, to say the least. To be quite frank, it can be downright unfair to all of us at times. Four months ago I was living life to the fullest. I had a badass job, was hitting the gym harder than ever, and was filled with excitement as I finished up my final semester at Texas A&M University. Life was good. I had a job offer lined up in Austin, Texas and was ready to get the hell out of dodge (college becomes a bit less fun after you’ve been doing it for 5 years). I was eager to get out and start kicking ass in my career the moment that diploma touched my hands, but that’s not exactly how it all went down.
Sounds pretty typical right? A young guy goes to college, gets his undergrad, then moves to the city to start his new and exciting life. The same cliche narrative that many of us young people have been fed since the day we strapped on our backpack and walked down the hallways to our first day of Kindergarten. We always have imagined college as this sacred place where we will find ourselves and gain the education needed to begin our careers. But there are some things schools can’t teach you about life. Life is unpredictable by nature, and your education can only prepare you so much for the challenges you will face in the world. In a matter of a couple of weeks, my entire life turned on its head. I lost both my current and future employment, access to my gym, and was forced to stay inside my apartment for weeks.
I’m not here to lie, that shit really sucked.
Now if you’ve read up to this point, you may be thinking to yourself “Oh nice, another little privileged, entitled college kid facing the first roadblock in his life. Boo Hoo, cry me a river.” And to be fair, if that’s what you’re thinking right now, you’re absolutely right. Up to this point, I had taken everything in my life for granted, and this shit pulled the curtain back on everything. And yes that shit sucked, but what sucked more was my attitude about it. I was blindsided by the hard reality of life and I had no idea how to handle it. So I did what I was used to doing when shit got tough, I checked out. I started sucking down 12 Natural Lights a day, sleeping until 3 in the afternoon, and ordering Domino’s every night as pursued my only goal in life, leveling up in Call of Duty: Warzone. I was living the dream right?
Okay, So What Now?
You can only run from your problems for so long because eventually, they will catch up to you. And that’s what happened. When I would wake up hungover at 3 pm, I looked in the mirror and hated the person I saw. Deep down I was fucking depressed and tried to numbing that feeling by any means necessary. I binged every single day. I started to set goals to see how fast/how much I could drink/eat in one sitting because all of the other goals in my life were gone. I used to care about fitness, my education, and self-improvement, but then shit got hard and I had given up completely. It’s crazy how fast you can go downhill and not even notice. I had gained 20 lbs in a matter of weeks, developed a binge eating/drinking disorder, and could care less what the future held for me.
But by the grace of God, I changed.
I can’t exactly tell you when shit started to turn back around, because part of me was still trapped in that victim’s mentality, hating the world for what it had taken from me. But around the time of graduation, the fog began to clear my mind and the harsh reality that I had been avoiding shined brightly into my eyes.
I’m not shit.
I had a fancy college degree, great. But I had no identity beyond that. For years my weekly routine had been filled with school, work, a few gym sessions here and there, and beers on the weekends with friends. And now all of that was gone, I stood there alone and naked for the whole world to see. And I hated it. I hated the weight I had gained, I hated how I had given up on life because times became difficult. But at least now I accepted the fact that I was becoming more and more of a loser every day and it was time to change. So I stopped pretending everything was okay and started taking myself more seriously. I packed my bags, swallowed my pride, and moved back home.
The Purpose of This Blog
It’s weird being on unemployment and living at your grandparents’ house at 23 years old. It’s not exactly where I was expecting to be, nor is it the most glamorous lifestyle. It’s not what you see on your friend’s Instagram or on Facebook profiles. But there is still plenty to be grateful for, I have a roof over my head and know I will never have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. In my time back at home I have made a solid effort to begin to get my shit together. I have paid off over 15% of my student debt (which is honestly a miracle if you ask me), lost 10 lbs after starting to take my diet more seriously, and am in the best cardiovascular shape I have ever been in my entire life. But most importantly, I am taking responsibility for the first time in my life.
The purpose of this blog is to hold myself accountable, to be real with myself and the world, and hopefully inspire someone else out there that has been in similar shoes. I am here to share my successes and just as many failures. I am not here to pretend to be anyone that I’m not and I refuse to sugar coat anything.
This is not a highlight reel of my life, this is my reality.